Be the Hero of Your Own Story

     This has been quite a week.  I wrote a blog post about two months ago regarding someone who changed my life.  There's nothing quite like the feeling that the solid ground beneath your feet is now shifting and you can no longer maintain your balance.  To say, I was "shook" would be an understatement.  While you can certainly read that post and Google recent events, the details are not the point of what I want to share with you.

    In this day and age of influencers and personal development gurus, it's more than easy to believe what you see and read.  After all, they show you want they want you to see.  It's no different from any of us editing a photo or putting a filter on our Instagram story.  Anyone can craft a persona that can seem appealing and relatable in order to gain followers and build their business.  Authenticity is the real issue.  Unless you know someone in real life (IRL for the younger generation), it's hard to know the real person behind what they present.  As such, we are drawn to some of these people since we feel like we really "know" them, like they are one of us.  This is not to say they are or aren't...just that you can't really be sure.

    I am not writing this to retract all the positive ways in which my life has changed, the knowledge I've gained (a lot of it free) or the skills I've acquired from this person.  Honestly, they're too innumerable to list here.  I am also not going to speak negatively about her.  First of all, I do not believe in bringing judgement against someone.  That's up to God and/or the courts if someone commits a crime.  I also believe that we can never know what another person is going through.  I am a strong believer in grace and forgiveness, as well as in digging deep to grow and do better.

    The lesson learned through all of this is to be the hero of my own story.  Subconsciously, I have placed certain people on a pulpit.  They didn't ask to be put there certainly, but they inevitably ended up there anyway.  We seem to have forgotten that we are all created equal even if we don't feel that way. We naturally seek others to look up to, guide us and emulate when we don't know the way.  We want to follow their path and mirror those who have succeeded where we have not yet.  We get hung up on the minutiae of their morning, evening and fitness routines as well as what makeup and clothes they wear.  I am so guilty of this behavior.  

    There is certainly much to learn and value to gain from others.  I love to learn from anyone and everyone.  Whether it's personal development and self care, relationship/family advice, religion, or career growth, I am hungry for knowledge.  I also desire to increase my understanding of the struggles I've had the privilege to not even give a second thought.  After all, you don't know what you don't know, right?  Until you do, that is.

    Certainly, this last year has been eye-opening, scary and even wonderful in a lot of ways.  Some of us have seen things we didn't know was still happening in the world in 2020.  Appalling images and acts.  A world in upheaval, all while dealing with a global pandemic.  It made me sit back and think...and cry.  In case you're wondering, I am an empath.  For those who've never heard of that term, it loosely means that we are deeply sensitive and can sense what others are feeling.  We tend to actually take on the pain of others.  I believe I've always been this way but this came more sharply into focus after I had my son almost 17 years ago.  I became sensitive to the point that I could not watch anything relating to harm of a pet or child.  Any time someone is down or wronged, I get sad almost to the point of having to back away from it for awhile.

    Stepping away to reflect is understandable and even necessary but it all comes back to doing the work to educate yourself and make the world a better place, leaving it better than we found it.  A vast amount of resources are at our disposal, either online or through movies, podcasts and books.  It's up to us to decide to do better and be better.  Let's envision a world that we are proud to live in.  One of love, acceptance, equality, peace and community.  Let's lift others up regardless of skin color, perceived disability, religious beliefs or sexual orientation/identification.  One where no one is on a pulpit and we are all standing together on the same stage, cheering each other on and taking a united bow for our successes.  For one cannot be successful if we step on anyone to get there.    

    So, let's show up for each other, build our communities and be the hero of our own story.  I'd love to hear how you are the hero of your own story!

Spring Has Sprung!

     I woke up this morning to birds chirping through my open window.  Just another sign that Spring has arrived.  If you're anything like me, Winter is just not your season.  While it's novel at first with being able to cozy up to the fire and wear your comfy, well-worn sweats, after awhile you yearn for the warmth that comes in Spring.  Buds on the trees and flowering bulbs definitely have a way of cheering me up and giving me new life.  I can get back to walking outside so I can soak in the sights and sounds of nature coming alive.  The only downside to Spring for me is the rain.  While I realize that it is essential for refilling our lakes and rivers as well as hydrating the plants and wildlife, I absolutely prefer the sun.  If I wake up in the morning with the sun shining into my bedroom, I start out the day in a happy mood.  The Vitamin D is well known for that effect as well as preventing disease, lowering blood pressure and improving our overall mental health.  

    I think we all flip the mental switch into Spring-mode at Daylight Savings Time, which is about a week before Spring officially arrives.  Unfortunately, during this Spring-forward, we lose a precious hour of sleep.  It doesn't seem like a big deal but it definitely throws off the circadian rhythm in our bodies.  However, the extra hour of daylight, once recovered, is well worth it since we get to enjoy the longer days.

    This time of year is not only an awakening of our hibernating plants and animals but also a time for us to wake up and take stock of how our year has progressed and where we are with the goals we set.  How can we take advantage of this "fresh start" and make the best out of the months to come?  Letting in some fresh air, along with grabbing your favorite pen, a journal and a cup of coffee, get comfortable and allow yourself some time to reflect.  I actually like to go outside onto my covered patio and curl up on our cozy sofa.  I recommend scheduling some uninterrupted time in your calendar where you can relax and contemplate what you still want and need to accomplish this year before the busyness of Summer kicks in.  

    I find it helpful to organize my "To Do"s into categories.  For me, first comes the External, which are basically things that aren't personal to just me but pertain to my family and/or our home.  I don't know about you but watching The Home Edit on Netflix has really inspired me to clean out and get organized.  What they say is true...a cluttered space results in a cluttered mind.  Just looking at the unnecessary piles and stuffed cabinets and drawers can increase our stress levels and decrease our feelings of control.  Plus, it just puts me in a bad mood when inevitably, the thing you really need (that you KNOW you already own) cannot be found and you end up wasting money by repurchasing it.   There is also a very freeing feeling when you clean out items that you've unnecessarily kept, as it opens up valuable space for sentimental items or things that bring a smile to your face.  This reminds me of Marie Kondo and her method of picking up each item and really considering whether it brings you joy.  About two years ago, when her show came out on Netflix, I decided to tackle my clothes.  I went around my entire house, as she suggests, and gathered every article of clothing that I owned.  After doing that, I was faced with a mountain of clothes of all kinds on my bed and the surrounding area since that didn't even hold it all!  At first I thought it was silly, but that method REALLY works.  It made me realize that, while keeping some practical things that I didn't "love" was okay, I was holding onto things that actually brought out negative emotions in me.  Was I really going to wear those low jeans that were all the style 5+ years ago?  Did I enjoy wearing that bland/boring shirt that did nothing to flatter me?  No to both.  I realized that I could say "thank you" to these things for serving me and let them go to someone who would wear them and bring joy to their life.  

    After clearing out what we don't want and organizing what we do, it's then time to do some actual, physical Spring cleaning.  I like to break this down into bite-sized chunks by making a list of what needs to be done and going through room by room.  Cleaning is by far my least favorite task, which means I avoid the deep clean even more and it never gets done.  I've come to realize that not doing it is causing me more harm than good.  Similar to clutter, dirt that accumulates in the corners of our homes, underneath the couches we don't normally move and the curtains that we overlook has a tendency to also tarnish how we feel about ourselves.  It is important to honor and respect our homes by keeping them clean.  I think it also helps to remember how fortunate we are to have a home to clean when so many do not.  And don't forget...once you've tackled the inside, there is the outside of your home to consider. After all, most people only see the outside so we want to represent ourselves well for our community. 

    Second comes the Internal, which I consider my personal goals, aspirations and dreams.  For example, this blog was my primary goal this year, which was a carryover goal from 2020.  To be honest, I spent a lot of last year in analysis paralysis as well as pandemic shock.  Pandemic shock is what I'm defining as being stopped in your tracks.  The world was revolving as it should in what everyone had considered as their "normal".  Then, suddenly, the rug was pulled out from under us and all those things we'd taken for granted, what we'd considered our freedom, were gone.  It made us stop and question everything.  Not to mention, its impact on every aspect of our life.  I was fortunately allowed to continue to work from home but meanwhile, I had many friends who are self-employed that no longer had work or owned businesses that were forced to close or open at a significantly reduced capacity.  I am also close to a lot of people that made some, if not all, of their money in the entertainment/music industry, which came to a screeching halt.  As a true music lover, I was angry that I could no longer go to concerts or see live music.  Even today, I can't get up and dance like I used to...free and unencumbered from a mask, as we currently must still wear one while dancing by your chair, at your table.  Now is the time to look forward by thinking about where we are with our physical health, our mental/emotional well-being, our relationships, our faith and spirituality and last but not least, the dreams on our hearts.  

    Depending upon where you live, restrictions currently seem to be lifting across the country.  We are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and are hopeful that we can finally come out of our cocoon, spread our butterfly wings and fly free.  We are lightened by our sense of hope that we can return to spontaneously hugging our friends and family,  dancing full-out and social gatherings to celebrate life.  So as Spring arrives, take that hope outside and enjoy those longer, light-filled days with walks in nature, cooking on the grill with your favorite adult beverage or even just sitting in a quiet space with your favorite book.  Because before we know it, we'll all be complaining it's too hot and want to run inside to the cool respite of our air conditioning.  

    Now, it's your turn to share how you Spring-clean!

The Big 5-0

    Well, it happened.  I turned 50 on March 5th.  50!!!!  How on Earth did that happen?  Now, 5 has always been my favorite number but reaching the half century mark is a bit daunting.  

    I actually woke up that day feeling grateful.  Can you imagine?  However, if the last year taught us anything, it certainly made us realize how fragile life can be and not to take any of our time here for granted.  Who knew a pandemic would hit in 2020 and result in so many deaths, hospitalizations and even significant ongoing medical conditions in some?  Not to mention, as we age, really anything can happen and we can be here one day and gone the next.  Okay, that's a bit morbid, but truly why I felt grateful to reach my 50th birthday.  

    Not to mention, it made me reflect on how far I've come in all these years.  My proudest accomplishment by far is my son, who will be 17 in June.  I was fortunate to have parents that instilled respect, manners and responsibility in me so that I could pass that on to Cameron.  I have gone even further by raising him to be a gentleman and do the little things like opening doors, carrying bags and basically being helpful without expecting something in return.  He is a very accepting, intelligent, sensitive, empathetic and caring person, which makes me very proud.  

    This leads me to my husband.  Until I met him in 2016, I truly wondered if I would ever find my forever.  But I did, and although the road has had quite a few bumps, I finally found the perfect guy for me.  We love each other equally, which can be rare, have tons of fun and do the work when needed.  Our biggest challenge was (and still is) blending our families together.  There is a very different dynamic to being a mom versus a stepmom, particularly when the mother is still in their life.  Being their stepmom has made me very happy and added so much to me and my son's life.  It gives me such joy that he and the girls hit it off right away and continue to laugh and have so much fun together.  I'd never wanted Cameron to be an only child, so giving him a sibling experience is very gratifying to me.  Ironically when I was growing up, I always pictured having 3 kids.  

    I am blessed to have "fallen into" a career that has provided great benefits and incredible success and financial security.  I enjoy helping others and I'm grateful that I get to do that every day. I have also been very fortunate to have worked for the same insurance company for almost 25 years.  They make smart financial decisions and have not faltered throughout many times of financial upheaval.  I was very lucky to have that financial stability in 2020.

    It would be easy for me to feel as though I haven't accomplished what I wanted to by now.  Thanks to mentors and those I look up to, I've come to realize that things come in their own time.  For me, I believe that my life experience will lead me to reaching my goals in a richer and far more rewarding way.  

    Lessons I've learned along the way:

•     Life is too short to be unhappy.  Making decisions to leave a situation or relationship that no longer serves you is HARD.  Emotionally, financially and even physically.  But, I think you have to really consider what damage you are doing to yourself by staying and NOT making a change.  Are you your best self or do you feel held back from growth or opportunities?  Do you feel loved or like a piece of the furniture just "there"?  A sister lesson to this is Do NOT stay for the kids.  This is obviously a very personal decision but I've seen more harm than good come from having kids grow up in an environment that doesn't model a healthy relationship.  Kids are very intelligent and observant so they are not being fooled if you are not happy.  This also applies to a job environment that doesn't allow you to develop and live up to your fullest potential.
•     Everyone should spend some time alone.  I learned so much from being single, living by myself and becoming independent in managing a household.  While, ideally, this should have occurred earlier in life, this did not happen for me until my mid-30s.  Prior to that, I'd gone from my parents' house to one serious relationship after another.  Although I "thought" I knew who I was, I really didn't understand what mattered most to me as a person or what I needed out of a relationship until I was truly alone for some years. It's a freeing feeling to have that alone time to reflect on what mistakes you've made, learn how to avoid them and also discover what makes you, and you alone, happy.  It's very natural for others to influence you and dictate what you like and don't like.  Practically, you also learn how to manage your own finances and address repair and maintenance of your home.
•     It is never too late.  2021 is a pretty amazing and incredible time.  We have been forced, by a global pandemic, to reassess what is valuable to us.  It's given everyone an opportunity to sit back and reflect on where we are in life and proven that the technology and information is out there to learn and do anything we wish.  I am a prime example.  In having that time, especially at the end of 2020, I realized that there was no time like the present to contribute to the world and help others.  
•      GET OFF THE SCALE.  Sadly, many of us have grown up inundated with images and propaganda that tells us we need to look like supermodels or the actors we see on tv and in movies.  Years ago, we didn't know about airbrushing and the team of people behind the scenes responsible for the final result that we saw in the magazine or on screen.  We're also told by varying sources about what a healthy weight is, but doesn't take into consideration that we are all unique.  No two people are alike in height, weight, bone density, water retention or hormones.  We are not taught to be happy and healthy but to be thin and appeal to others.  It is only in the last couple of years that I've seen a shift from that perspective to acceptance, mental health and body love.  Your weight does not define you!
•       Be grateful and gracious.  For the last few years, I've started my day with a gratitude practice.  I list five things I'm grateful for, which should not be general like "I have a family".  While that's wonderful, the intent is to drill down on that and be more specific. So, you could write down "we all got to sit down to a family dinner" or "we were able to watch a movie as a family".  I really enjoy warm and sunny weather so this morning, I wrote down "It's going to be 72 degrees today so I can take a nice walk."  Basically, what is saving your life, even on the roughest days, when you really have to think hard to find five things?  As for being gracious, this is something that I've worked hard on over the last year or so. We are all so hard on ourselves and are our toughest critics sometimes.  You hear "would you talk to your best friend the way you're talking to yourself?"  We should spend more time lifting ourselves up than berating ourselves for not doing something we should've done or not doing it to perfection.  For example, we're just not feeling that workout today.  That's okay...maybe you do something like stretch or foam roll or even dance around the room to your favorite song!  It's still movement and it should make you feel good.  If your body is sore, take that rest day.  If you are eating healthy and really want a cookie, have the cookie!  Maybe just try not to eat the whole bag.  Okay, but if you do, be graceful with yourself.  It's one bag & the next choice you make can be a better one.  We are all human.  No less important is being graceful with others.  Everyone can have a bad day and say things they don't mean.  Unless the intention was truly to hurt you, be graceful and forgive.  Forgiveness is very healing for all parties and will stop resentment from brewing.  
•       Take time for fun.  Especially when you are knee deep in your chosen career, working full-time (or more), and have a family, time is a valuable commodity.  Another lesson from the pandemic is to not take anything for granted.  Go on that vacation, spend time with your friends, do that art project, run that marathon, learn to crochet a blanket, get a dog, make a playlist of songs that will instantly put a smile on your face and most of all, laugh until your cheeks hurt.  Humor, love and happiness are what provides the richness to this life we are all so blessed to live.

I hope these lessons have provided some insight. Let me know if you decide to make any changes!  

    

Nostalgia and Old Albums

I am about to age myself...  Growing up in the '70s and '80s, my family lived in a Rancher-style home, which is not my personal preference.  It is one level with a basement, although ours also had a carport.  Come to think of it, do they even make houses with carports anymore?  It's basically an overhang that extends from your house but the sides are not enclosed.  I much prefer my current two-car garage that provides protection from all of the elements.  The entrance from the carport led to the kitchen where you turned left to go into the dining room.  It was an open design that then led you into the living room and then the bedrooms, which were at the far side of the house in a semi-circle.  Therefore, all of the bedrooms were in close proximity, allowing me to clearly hear the music coming from my brother's room across the hallway. 

As my brother was over four years older, our musical tastes were quite different.  While I was a preteen in the early '80s and listening to disco, K-tel records and pop music on B104, my brother was a full-blown teenager.  He was an avid listener of 98 Rock, the most popular mainstream rock radio station in Baltimore even to this day.  At that time, it was typical to buy albums and spend a lot of time in your room listening to music.  I remember seeing certain albums in constant rotation in my brother's room.  Artists included Peter Frampton (what dude growing up in that time didn't own Frampton Comes Alive?), AC/DC, Van Halen, DIO, etc.  However, as Rush was his favorite band, those were the albums played on repeat.  I couldn't help but pick up the more radio-friendly tunes like Tom Sawyer, Limelight, Freewill, Spirit of Radio and Red Barchetta.  Unfortunately, while I wasn't a fan of the instrumentals like YYZ, my brother loved them. 

Starting around 1983, I became obsessed with Duran Duran.  I had heard songs here and there on the radio but the tune that really solidified me as a Duranie was The Reflex.  It would've been impossible not to have seen their many videos on MTV, particularly those filmed in exotic locations such as Antigua and Sri Lanka.   The video for The Reflex is a live performance of the single version, which I preferred over the album version.  Since I could not get enough of this song, I bought the dance version and played it over and over and over again,  In case you're not familiar, it starts out with several "da na na na"s followed by "the reflex".  After the first verse, there are a lot of "why-y-y-y-y"s and "fle-fle-fle-fle-flex"s.  I consider it no small miracle that I am alive today since I'm sure this drove my parents crazy.  Oh and as an aside, I still think John Taylor (the bass player) is a hottie even today.  

Fast forward to 2016 when I met my husband.  His favorite band is, you guessed it, Rush.  Over the years, I'd become a true fan myself, even though I still don't care for the mostly instrumental tunes.  He wasn't the first drummer I knew that told me that they actually learned to drum solely by listening to Neil Peart and those Rush albums.  I was impressed but did say some prayers that this new guy I'd met was actually a good drummer, as I consider Neil Peart to be the best.  Fast forward to the present and not only did my husband prove just how talented he is but I'm lucky to get to watch him play Rush (and other classic rock) with his band on the regular.  On Friday, January 10th, 2020, along with the rest of the world, we were greatly shocked and saddened by the news of Neil Peart's passing on January 7, 2020.  He was a private man and had hidden his treatment of brain cancer for over three years.  As I would surely mourn the passing of any of my Duran Duran members, my husband mourned the death of his idol. 

A few days later, I noticed that AXS television was airing a special on the Classic Albums of Rush-2112 and Moving Pictures.  I set the DVR and we arranged to watch it the following Friday night after the kids had gone back to their other respective parents.  It was a cold night so we lit a fire and watched the one-hour program, where not only did they discuss the two albums mentioned but actually went back to the formation and evolution of the band over the years.  It was fascinating to hear their influences and the origination of their lyrics and music.  The individual interviews with each of the three members of Rush added personal touches and humor.  Some of their music was complex, which led me to explain to my husband that I preferred the more radio-friendly tunes as they were easier to pick up the words.  The band recalled that on the album 2112, they were actually telling a science-fiction story that spanned throughout the songs on the first side.  I am not one for "theme" albums; however after hearing them explain it song by song, I was now able to fully appreciate them.  

This started us reminiscing about what it was like to grow up in the 1970s and 1980s.  Wow, who can actually believe that these were four to five decades ago now?  Some of our fondest memories are those simple times, alone in our room with huge headphones covering our ears so we could immerse ourselves in the music.  Without any interruption, you could hear every word, every strum of a guitar chord and the rhythm of the bass and drums working together.  

We then ventured down to the basement to retrieve our old albums.  Although we also had varied musical tastes at the time, it was fun to sit together and share old memories of when we got the albums, which were our favorites and the tours where we were able to see the bands play their music live.  

Fast forward to 2021 and things have changed dramatically.  Stereos have disappeared for the most part and all that is left are tiny EarPods plugged into phones.  What's worse is that very few are actually just listening to music anymore without also multi-tasking.  (I am guilty of this.)  You're listening while doing many other things, like checking email, responding to a text, answering a call and falling down the slippery slope that is social media.  While my husband and I shared our cherished memories of those years, it was somewhat bittersweet as we realized that our children will probably never share some of the more simple joys in life.  

Now's your turn to share your favorite albums!

Thank You Rachel Hollis

I believe it was May, 2018 and I had just returned from the annual conference held by a company that I joined as a part-time side hustle.  Two words were spreading like wildfire.  Rachel Hollis.  I'd never heard of her but apparently her new book Girl, Wash Your Face was a New York Times Bestseller.  It was deemed a must-read for anyone in our business.  So, I ordered this book with the wet girl next to a spouting fire hydrant on the cover.

While impatiently awaiting the arrival of said book, I immersed myself in everything Rachel Hollis.  She had a website called The Chic Site, which had countless blog/posts, videos and recipes.  (This has now transitioned to www.msrachelhollis.com so head on over there if you're curious.)  However, what really drew me in was her daily morning show on Facebook.  At the time, she lived in Los Angeles with her husband Dave and their four children (or as they say, "It's like 1,000 kids").   This medium was perfect since you could watch a Live video of her talking for about 20-30 minutes or view it at a later time.

Rachel is THE REAL DEAL.  Straight-forward, authentic, relatable, smart and funny.  Obviously, there was a lot of discussion about the book, which was great since I got invaluable insights before I was able to read it.  By the way, when you read her book, it's written just like you're sitting down with a girlfriend.  She's raw and allowed herself to be extremely vulnerable while revealing some embarrassing moments.  All so we can realize that we are not alone, that we can also overcome our fears and obstacles.

She rarely wore makeup, which I found endearing because in this age of perceived perfection, who would go on a Livestream in front of thousands of people with no makeup?  Someone who wants you to show up as yourself.  Someone who doesn't have time for makeup when she's dealing with getting four kids off to school, before or after her morning workout.  Someone who's trying to change the landscape of this warped thinking that in order to be beautiful you have to change how you look.

Some of you may have heard of her when she broke the internet in March, 2015.  She'd posted a bikini pic on a beach while on vacation in Cancun, showing what real women look like after they've carried and birthed three children.  I think we've all been there.  We buy a bathing suit or a bikini to cover the stretch marks, permanent belly flab or saggy belly button. We're embarrassed to not look perfect, as we think "everyone" else does with their flat, toned abs.  But honestly, what do we know about those women?  Have they had children?  Have they had cosmetic surgery to cover up their imperfections?  Do they starve themselves or work out four hours/day?  And who are these people anyway?  Do we care what they think?  One of Rachel's biggest battles was other people's opinions, which she discusses in both books. However, Rachel's entire point with that post was to redirect our thinking to the positive.  She doesn't want us to body-shame.  She wants us to proudly show off the amazing miracle that our bodies carried and birthed our babies!

There were plenty of YouTube videos as well as her podcast, which has morphed from the Dais podcast to Rise to now just her name.  On the podcast, she speaks on a topic herself or interviews experts to help you with your small business or just to improve your life.  The more I learned, watched and listened, the more I admired our girl Rach.  I'm not taking liberties here, as my husband believes...she actually refers to herself as "your pal Rach".  You start to feel like she knows you and is part of your inner circle.  She's your supporter, your ally, your friend, your coach, your mentor!  It's no surprise that she has a fiercely loyal tribe, primarily of women like myself, but also men.

I developed what may have been a slight obsession.  I devoured every bit of her content that I could.  My prior heavy influences were Tony Robbins and Oprah, who ironically, Rachel herself also states are her heroes.  When someone speaks into your soul, you find yourself inspired and excited to do better, be better and improve every day.  Also, around mid-2018, Rachel and Dave packed up their family and moved to Austin, Texas.  Dave was left his job at Disney to work with Rachel at the Hollis Company and they also started the Rise Together podcast.  (More on this later.)

It only made sense that in January 2019 when her Rise Women's Conference in Minnesota was announced, I was determined to go.  Much to my dismay, it sold out in about 20 minutes.  Frankly, they were shocked that it had sold out this quickly given their prior conference attendance.  I was heartbroken but within hours, a second event was announced.  They were going to hold the same conference in Dallas and the venue would hold over twice the amount of people.   This is typical of what Rachel does for her tribe.  She feels she was put on this Earth to give back and she goes to any lengths to do so.

On my birthday in March, 2019, Rachel released Girl, Stop Apologizing, her much-anticipated follow up book to her New York Times bestseller.  This book, focused on how accomplish your goals, was a hit.  It landed on the New York Times bestseller list immediately and both books remained on it for many weeks.  You may have heard of the Start Today Journal, which is Rachel's daily practice where she writes down five things she's grateful for and then her dreams.  She formally developed the journal after many requests, but if you listen to Episode 72 of her podcast, she breaks down how you can do it in your own notebook.  As she says, the important thing is to do the practice, not sell you the journal.

So, in mid-July 2019, I flew to Dallas for the three day Rise conference.  I won't give out too many details as I feel this was such a life-changing event that every women should experience at least once.  Just know that this 5'2" powerhouse will blow you away.  While she does the majority of the speaking, she also has amazing guest speakers that will have you writing so fast you will wish you had a stenographer.  The nuggets of wisdom are endless, for anyone in business and/or those who are just looking to be happier with themselves and achieve their dreams.  You will be held accountable for being present, energized and kind.  Go alone, bring a friend, bring your daughter or bring your Mom but no matter what, you will leave with the knowledge that there are a whole tribe of Rise sisters in your corner.  I went alone and was astounded at the friendliness of the Hollis Co. employees as they went above and beyond to make you feel welcome and accommodated.  Lastly, there is a live DJ and dancing, so wear your comfy clothes and tennis shoes.

In early 2020, Rachel was invited by OPRAH to speak on her stage during the 2020 Weight Watchers Vision Tour.  OPRAH.  Yes, she deserves her name in all caps, always.  She flew to NYC to give a 20 minute motivational presentation before the Michelle Obama interview.  I say presentation because Rachel doesn't just speak, she interacts and wants your feedback.  I was so happy for her, both when announced and when she showed videos of her interaction with Oprah.  I was ecstatic to hear that Oprah is as gracious as I've always imagined.  Not long after, she had a flare up of her neuralgia, which has previously exhibited itself as Bell's palsy.  She showed a picture on Instagram of one of those episodes, which is extremely vulnerable since it once again shows that she's real and just like us...even after speaking on OPRAH's stage.

A bombshell dropped in late May, 2020.  Rachel and Dave announced that they were separating and getting a divorce after 20 years together. I believe her entire tribe was at least temporarily shocked and heartbroken.  Selfishly, the community was saddened because we'd grown to adore Rachel and Dave as a couple.  They were best friends and appeared to have it all together with date nights and raising their kids with great values and empowerment.  They had it all so why didn't or couldn't it work?  A lot of us held out hope that this was not final but alas, it is.  While so many have judged and spoken negatively, what gives them the right?  After all, Rachel (and Dave for that matter) have graciously given countless hours of free information on how to better ourselves and achieve our dreams.  What a lot of people forgot, including myself for a moment, is that they are HUMAN.  People break up because it's just not working anymore, so why should they not be able to move on and be happy if that is their decision?  Certainly, it took courage to make that decision in private but even more to share it with the public.  

Last, but certainly not least is how Rachel describes her community.  "They don't act the same, look the same, believe the same..."  While she and Dave are no longer together, they both practice radical acceptance and their actions and friendships support this at every turn.  What could be more uplifting and encouraging in times like these?  Although, I wish she'd been around 20 years ago, I'm excited that she's revolutionizing personal development by inspiring everyone, including our children, to believe that we are Made for More.  So, if you want to feel like you belong to a community, be motivated or just need a laugh, check out my girl Rach and let me know what you think.

Intro and Life Lesson #1

Hello and welcome to my blog!  My name is Christine Hansen and I am an aspiring writer.  I live in the suburbs of Baltimore, Maryland with my husband, Chris and our three children.  I have a son from a prior marriage and he has two daughters from his so we do not have any children together.  We've been pretty much inseparable since we met just over 4.5 years ago and we'll celebrate our one year anniversary in April of 2021.

I've lived here my entire life and in fact, live just slightly over two miles from my childhood home.  Ironically, we live just over 3 miles from where Chris grew up.  It was just me and my brother, who is almost 5 years older, and the closest thing to a pet that my parents allowed was goldfish.  Did I mention that I'm almost 50 years old?  However, this writing thing is not at all new to me.  I've always loved the English language, any English or writing courses and even tried my hand at short stories when I was very young.  Granted, I don't recall finishing most of them but I enjoyed the process nonetheless.  I've always been a voracious reader so that does seem to lend a hand to creating writers as well.  I really should have pursued writing much earlier in life, but back in the late 80s, you either went to college or you got a job.  Working was not new to me since I'd started early, working as a babysitter, around the age of 12.   There was also that defining and shocking moment when my parents told me that they weren't sending me to college.  They'd not revealed this to me before but strangely acted as though I should not have been surprised.  I recently ran across my high school transcript and it was excellent.  I'm sure any college would have been happy to have me but practicality won out and without a significant amount of money from my parents, I ruled out attending college.  The last thing I wanted was to pay off college loans for the rest of my life.  Quite frankly, the option of taking out a loan wasn't even mentioned.  It was a time when I felt pressured to redirect myself to a new career, which sadly wasn't writing.

Okay, so my parents had saved a VERY small amount of money, just not nearly enough to go to college.  Location, location, location...the #1 rule of real estate.  Ironically, this is what led me to go into real estate.  My parents' property was divided into two plots and just behind our house lived their very good friends, John and Brenda.  Even prior to moving with them to this property, they had spent a lot of time at our house.  Both John and Brenda were realtors with Coldwell Banker and seemed to do very well.  After all, it enabled them to move out of their townhouse with their two kids and build a nice home.  It seemed like a cool idea to sell houses and luckily, this small amount of money would fund the education, testing and early costs of becoming a real estate agent.  You should be aware that I was 19 years old.  This would not be the only naive decision I would make at a young age.  I should mention that my best friend's Mom also worked for Coldwell Banker, so it seemed natural to attend their classes.  Honestly, I was bored with the minutia of what I was learning but figured it would be much more fun when applied.  Plus, I'd get to see a lot of neat houses and doesn't everyone love going into different houses?  I managed to pass the course test and then spent many hours studying for the state and national portions of the Real Estate Exam.  I PASSED!  The fun would start now, right?

Back in 1990, when I got my real estate Salesperson license, the internet is not what we have now.  You couldn't just browse listings online for free.  You needed a brokerage to connect to the Multiple Listing System, or MLS.  In order to access it, you had to pay fees to MLS on a regular basis.  Additionally, you had to pay brokerage fees (to allow you the use of their name and access to clients), the annual fee to the National Association for Realtors, continuing education and miscellaneous marketing costs.  My small "fund" was depleting quickly at this point so I was hoping that I would sell a house pretty soon in order to break even or come out ahead.  Let me return your attention to my age of 19.  I'd like to think that I was just overly confident, but truly I was ignorant to the ways of the world at this point.  You know, it was probably the same part of me that thought I knew everything and thought my parents knew nothing just a few short years earlier.  This was the first lesson that really smacked me across the face.  While I was pleasant and looked the part, who in their right mind would sign a contract with someone with no experience?  It became obvious that age and wisdom needed to go hand in hand in order to gain the trust of your clients.  The other damning evidence that this was not my chosen career path was the reality of how familiar you needed to be with a math calculator.  Yes, that's right...a calculator.  You had to, at a moment's notice, whip out this calculator that would magically determine how much you could afford, at which interest rate, with a certain down payment and then the amount of your monthly payment.  I am sure this is not the case in 2020.  There has to be an "app for that", one which magically does it all without you worrying about missing a number or a step in the process.  At the time, given that I detested math, this was the final nail in the real estate coffin.

After about a year or less, I decided to stop the financial bleeding and look for a full-time job with benefits.  I'd kept my paying job at Kmart but there were no benefits and you basically stood on your feet all day.  I'd grown up watching my Mom work at an office job so that seemed like the thing to do, particularly given my avid typing skills.  

I did maintain my real estate license for several years by paying the renewal fees) but eventually let it lapse.  I felt sad to let it go, given that I still count that as a huge accomplishment, especially considering my age.  No matter what, I gained a lot of experience, especially in how the world works.  My decisions going forward would soon provide many more opportunities to gain even more of this real-life experience.

Please feel free to share your comments or questions about this post.  What was your first real-life lesson?