Well, it happened. I turned 50 on March 5th. 50!!!! How on Earth did that happen? Now, 5 has always been my favorite number but reaching the half century mark is a bit daunting.
I actually woke up that day feeling grateful. Can you imagine? However, if the last year taught us anything, it certainly made us realize how fragile life can be and not to take any of our time here for granted. Who knew a pandemic would hit in 2020 and result in so many deaths, hospitalizations and even significant ongoing medical conditions in some? Not to mention, as we age, really anything can happen and we can be here one day and gone the next. Okay, that's a bit morbid, but truly why I felt grateful to reach my 50th birthday.
Not to mention, it made me reflect on how far I've come in all these years. My proudest accomplishment by far is my son, who will be 17 in June. I was fortunate to have parents that instilled respect, manners and responsibility in me so that I could pass that on to Cameron. I have gone even further by raising him to be a gentleman and do the little things like opening doors, carrying bags and basically being helpful without expecting something in return. He is a very accepting, intelligent, sensitive, empathetic and caring person, which makes me very proud.
This leads me to my husband. Until I met him in 2016, I truly wondered if I would ever find my forever. But I did, and although the road has had quite a few bumps, I finally found the perfect guy for me. We love each other equally, which can be rare, have tons of fun and do the work when needed. Our biggest challenge was (and still is) blending our families together. There is a very different dynamic to being a mom versus a stepmom, particularly when the mother is still in their life. Being their stepmom has made me very happy and added so much to me and my son's life. It gives me such joy that he and the girls hit it off right away and continue to laugh and have so much fun together. I'd never wanted Cameron to be an only child, so giving him a sibling experience is very gratifying to me. Ironically when I was growing up, I always pictured having 3 kids.
I am blessed to have "fallen into" a career that has provided great benefits and incredible success and financial security. I enjoy helping others and I'm grateful that I get to do that every day. I have also been very fortunate to have worked for the same insurance company for almost 25 years. They make smart financial decisions and have not faltered throughout many times of financial upheaval. I was very lucky to have that financial stability in 2020.
It would be easy for me to feel as though I haven't accomplished what I wanted to by now. Thanks to mentors and those I look up to, I've come to realize that things come in their own time. For me, I believe that my life experience will lead me to reaching my goals in a richer and far more rewarding way.
Lessons I've learned along the way:
- Life is too short to be unhappy. Making decisions to leave a situation or relationship that no longer serves you is HARD. Emotionally, financially and even physically. But, I think you have to really consider what damage you are doing to yourself by staying and NOT making a change. Are you your best self or do you feel held back from growth or opportunities? Do you feel loved or like a piece of the furniture just "there"? A sister lesson to this is Do NOT stay for the kids. This is obviously a very personal decision but I've seen more harm than good come from having kids grow up in an environment that doesn't model a healthy relationship. Kids are very intelligent and observant so they are not being fooled if you are not happy. This also applies to a job environment that doesn't allow you to develop and live up to your fullest potential.
- Everyone should spend some time alone. I learned so much from being single, living by myself and becoming independent in managing a household. While, ideally, this should have occurred earlier in life, this did not happen for me until my mid-30s. Prior to that, I'd gone from my parents' house to one serious relationship after another. Although I "thought" I knew who I was, I really didn't understand what mattered most to me as a person or what I needed out of a relationship until I was truly alone for some years. It's a freeing feeling to have that alone time to reflect on what mistakes you've made, learn how to avoid them and also discover what makes you, and you alone, happy. It's very natural for others to influence you and dictate what you like and don't like. Practically, you also learn how to manage your own finances and address repair and maintenance of your home.
- It is never too late. 2021 is a pretty amazing and incredible time. We have been forced, by a global pandemic, to reassess what is valuable to us. It's given everyone an opportunity to sit back and reflect on where we are in life and proven that the technology and information is out there to learn and do anything we wish. I am a prime example. In having that time, especially at the end of 2020, I realized that there was no time like the present to contribute to the world and help others.
- GET OFF THE SCALE. Sadly, many of us have grown up inundated with images and propaganda that tells us we need to look like supermodels or the actors we see on tv and in movies. Years ago, we didn't know about airbrushing and the team of people behind the scenes responsible for the final result that we saw in the magazine or on screen. We're also told by varying sources about what a healthy weight is, but doesn't take into consideration that we are all unique. No two people are alike in height, weight, bone density, water retention or hormones. We are not taught to be happy and healthy but to be thin and appeal to others. It is only in the last couple of years that I've seen a shift from that perspective to acceptance, mental health and body love. Your weight does not define you!
- Be grateful and gracious. For the last few years, I've started my day with a gratitude practice. I list five things I'm grateful for, which should not be general like "I have a family". While that's wonderful, the intent is to drill down on that and be more specific. So, you could write down "we all got to sit down to a family dinner" or "we were able to watch a movie as a family". I really enjoy warm and sunny weather so this morning, I wrote down "It's going to be 72 degrees today so I can take a nice walk." Basically, what is saving your life, even on the roughest days, when you really have to think hard to find five things? As for being gracious, this is something that I've worked hard on over the last year or so. We are all so hard on ourselves and are our toughest critics sometimes. You hear "would you talk to your best friend the way you're talking to yourself?" We should spend more time lifting ourselves up than berating ourselves for not doing something we should've done or not doing it to perfection. For example, we're just not feeling that workout today. That's okay...maybe you do something like stretch or foam roll or even dance around the room to your favorite song! It's still movement and it should make you feel good. If your body is sore, take that rest day. If you are eating healthy and really want a cookie, have the cookie! Maybe just try not to eat the whole bag. Okay, but if you do, be graceful with yourself. It's one bag & the next choice you make can be a better one. We are all human. No less important is being graceful with others. Everyone can have a bad day and say things they don't mean. Unless the intention was truly to hurt you, be graceful and forgive. Forgiveness is very healing for all parties and will stop resentment from brewing.
- Take time for fun. Especially when you are knee deep in your chosen career, working full-time (or more), and have a family, time is a valuable commodity. Another lesson from the pandemic is to not take anything for granted. Go on that vacation, spend time with your friends, do that art project, run that marathon, learn to crochet a blanket, get a dog, make a playlist of songs that will instantly put a smile on your face and most of all, laugh until your cheeks hurt. Humor, love and happiness are what provides the richness to this life we are all so blessed to live.
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